England vs Andorra preview

By: Martini Extra Dry | September 6th, 2008

Tonight England take on the tiny landlocked country of Andorra in the first game of our qualification campaign for the World Cup in South Africa. We also drew them in our last (unsuccessful) qualifying campaign and beat them 5-0 and 3-0.

Anything short of a thrashing will almost certainly see the England team and manager mauled by the press. ‘The England football team’ was this week, very embarrassingly, voted The Biggest Waste Of space ever! Here’s the complete top ten:

1 The England team
2 Pete Doherty
3 Gordon Brown
4 Toilet roll covers
5 Kerry Katona
6 Eurovision Song Contest
7 Jodie Marsh
8 Boris Johnson
9 Paris Hilton
10 McDonald’s salads

In a fun and humourous survey, it’s the reality of how this country is sick to the back teeth of it’s under-achieving national side that stands out. This is backed up by the number of fans travelling to Barcelona for tonight’s game; last meeting we had 15,000 travelling fans compared to this time’s 2,000. Spirits are down amongst England fans and we are making it very easy for the critics to slag us off.

Our game needs to change and our formation needs to change. I think that when someone is handed the job as England manager, they should be given a huge sign that reads: Lampard and Gerrard in the middle DOESN’T WORK, DON’T spend another entire qualification campaign waiting for it to click, it won’t. No matter how long we go on attempting to make it work it just doesn’t, so why do England managers all seem to insist on it? I know that for their teams they are sensational but together it just doesn’t seem to gel. Personally, I would drop Lampard and go with Gerrard. If it isn’t working still then maybe switch them over. But don’t do any of the sticking Gerrard on the left bullshit. Gerrard is phenomenal in the middle of the park, it is sacriligeous to shove him out wide.

So who should be with him? Well, I have to say that I agree with Benitez and think it should be Barry. They work well together, with Barry taking the mainly defensive role (it’s a shame to limit his attacking game, but as fantastic as he is, Gerrard is even better) and then have Joe Cole on the left with Beckham and Bentley putting on the boxing gloves to fight for the right side.

Upfront we are looking a little short but I think I’d start with Rooney and Defoe from the squad he’s picked, with Walcott available to come on and scare the shit out of defenders with his pace. There is also the argument that Gerrard can do Rooney’s job better.

The defence also needs to tighten up, but I think what we need most there is some inspirational words from the manager, because we have some outstanding defenders, but they aren’t performing to their potential for England.

And finally, in the sticks… by process of elimination I’d play Robert Green. David James is too error prone, despite being great and Robinson is similar, so maybe it’s Green’s time for a chance.

Predictions: I’m going for 3-1 to England.